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Why don't blondes get coffee breaks?
It would take too long to retrain them.


Why did the blonde lose her job at the M & M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W's


What are the worst six years in a blondes life?
Third grade


A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in first grade. Which one is sexiest?
The blonde, because she is the only one that is 18.




Why did the blonde return her new scarf?
It was too tight.


Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence?
She wanted to see what was on the other side.


A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."




What is a blonde's mating call?
"I am soooooo drunk!"


What is an ugly blonde's mating call?
"I SAID I am soooooo drunk, damnit!"


Why are there no dumb brunettes?
Peroxide


Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.


The blonde called the fire department and frantically screamed. "You have got to come help me! MY house is on FIRE! HURRY!" The dispatcher says, "Ok, lady, calm down. Now, how do we get there?" and the blonde said "Well, duh! In the big red truck!"




What is bloody and beaten and lying in a ditch?
A brunette who told one too many blonde jokes!


What happened when the blonde locked herself in the car?
Her blonde boyfriend had to use a clothes hanger to get her out.




What does a blonde say after you blow in her ear?
"Thanks for the refill."


Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them.




How do you know when a blonde has been in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies?
There are M and M shells all over the floor


What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year's Hide and Seek Champion




What does a blonde say if you ask her if her blinker is on?
It's on....off.....on.....off....on......


A blonde goes into an appliance store looking for a tv. After a few minutes, she picks one out and approaches the salesman. "I want to buy this television," she says. The salesman replies, "Sorry, we don't serve blondes here." She gets mad, leaves and goes home. She dyes her hair brown and returns to the store. "I want to buy this television." she says to the salesman, getting the same response; "Sorry miss, we don't serve blondes here." She leaves again, frustrated. She goes home and proceeds to shave her head, eyebrows and all, leaving no visible trace of blonde hair on her head. Upon returning to the store, she once again approaches the salesman. "Sir, I would like to purchase this television, and I don't want any problems." To which the salesman replies, "Sorry Miss, we don't serve blondes." Fed up with this, she cries, "How can you tell that I am blonde? I have dyed my hair and even resorted to shaving my head!" To which the salesman replied, "Well, Miss, that television you are trying to buy is a microwave!"


A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" The blonde paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."


What goes VAROOM....SCREECH.... VAROOM....SCREECH.......VAROOm!!....SCREECH!!
A blonde going through an intersection with a blinking red light.




Did you hear about the blonde found frozen to death at the drive-in?
She went to see "Closed for the winter"


Why was the blonde upset when she got her drivers license?
Because she got an F in sex.




A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home.


Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.




Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio? It took her 2 weeks to figure out that she could play it at night.


What is the difference between a blonde and a tree?
The tree knows when it is being cut down.